Descriptive: Dressed in dark green Gumby costumes, five young men and women dance their way down Congress Avenue towards the Capitol. Trotting alongside them, dressed in short red shorts and a blue shirt, is Superman, his red cape trailing behind him in the wind. Joining the crowd are Thing 1 and Thing 2, skipping through the crowd with wide grins permanently fixed on their faces, just happy to be part of the spectacle. A hundred feet away, Mario and Luigi are busy racing down the avenue, each of them driving a small cardboard kart.
The race has begun.
Direct Quote: "This was his favorite race." His mother doesn't look sad or mad when she says it. It's become a fact. Another fact: He was 18 when he died. But just because it is a fact doesn't mean it has lost its meaning. His death has given her a purpose. A reason to run the race.
the first one is really good
ReplyDeleteThe first one catches my interest more, the second starts off a little dreary, but I like the "It's become a fact" part.
ReplyDeleteI like the first one, but the last one--with the part about the boys death--is very capticating. maybe if you could find a way to combine the two?
ReplyDeleteGreat leads though!
I like them both, but the two leads are very different. if you want a chipper feel, then go with the first. if your going for a more somber attitude, then the second.
ReplyDeleteI like the first one more because it gives a quirky perspective on the race.
ReplyDeleteI really really like the first one. I have no Idea what it's about but I want to read more so bad.
ReplyDeleteI'd go with the first one. It is quite inviting and makes me want to read more.
ReplyDelete-Banquo