So far I only have two and they're kind of long so... Enjoy
1. Descriptive
PEW PEW PEW DING DING DING CLINK BZZZZ....
The noise of hundreds of different sounds all playing at once, and the flashing, pulsing, blinding lights; only the craziest of people would dare to face this madness. But for the crew at the Pinballz arcade, this is all in a day's work...
2. Compare and Contrast
Main Event. Dave & Busters. Gatti Land. Confusion, noise, tripping over rampant youngsters, dodging masses of teens. Over priced and overcrowded. This is the kind of atmosphere that parents these days present to their children when they want to go out and play.
However, there is hope. There is a safe place where parents can let their children run around without worry. A cool place where teenagers can come and hang out. A place for adults to relive their past. Birthday party. Date night. Girls night out. A place to get out of the office, out of the house, off the couch, off the computer, and into an environment of fun and excitement for all people.
One of a kind. Cool. Hip. Rad. Pinballz is all you could ever want out of an arcade. Inexpensive and user friendly, the Pinballz arcade is a place where you can connect with your inner pinball wizard and hone in on your skill with the flippers. With over 90 different types of pinball machines and almost every other arcade game imaginable, this really is the place to be.
I think that very last paragraph should be a nut graph, but whateves.
Comment por favor!!
Kathy H.
The second ones list format is exhausting and is kind of trying to add an intensity that just isn't there. The first one is really good though, i like the use of onomonopia.
ReplyDeletei really like the first one it really gives me the feeling that im there!!
ReplyDeleteThe second one doesn't really have the power, you're not really talking about a serious enough subject to list things like that without it getting repetitive. The first has a good description though, I would add more detail to make the reader feel more like they're there, not just hearing the sounds.
ReplyDeleteI really like the first one, the end of the second one sort of sounds like an add. I think you should use the first one, and maybe add a little something to it
ReplyDeleteThe Second one sounds..... ad-y. sorry. :-P however, I really like the first.
ReplyDeleteI like the second one because I feel the first one is too casual for a magazine. However, the second one has a liberal use of opinion in it, so, if you use this lead, try and weed that out.
ReplyDelete